Worry.

I make a decent amount of money. I also have almost no debt and very few bills.

Why do I feel vaguely guilty about that?

All my adult life I've been effectively poor. I bounced around from bad job to bad job, living paycheck to paycheck and rarely living within my means. If I wanted stuff, I would get credit cards to "afford" them. This led to bad debt and some bad financial decisions. For 25 years I was in a cycle of debt and low income and worry and stress and collections and blah blah.

About the time I took my current job, things started to turn around. I was now making a decent wage and have a stable position. I started getting rid of all the bad credit card and loan debt. I got rid of my car. I did some consolidation. I started living within my means for the first time in my adult life. I dug out and no longer stay up at night wondering how I'm going to make rent or pay off one CC bill while going delinquent on another. I am, no doubt, in the best financial condition I've been in in my life.

So why am I still waiting for the other shoe to drop?

The job I'm in now is the longest I've ever had in my life, at 4 1/2 years. I like it, I'm good at it, and despite my occasional attempts to sabotage it, as far as I can tell I'm in no imminent danger of losing it. The company's doing great, I have a niche in the company that no one else could fill easily, and I'm up for a review in a week that may end up resulting in even more money.

I don't make a LOT by Bay Area standards, but I'm single, have ridiculously low rent for the City, have no real debt to speak of and have a small, but growing 401k that has just gone over $10K, by far the most I've ever saved. my only monthly bills are a $20 phone bill and a small health care debt that will be paid off this year.

So this is where Vegas comes in. I save $4K every few months to blow in Vegas...what could I be doing with that nearly $16K a year that I'm just throwing away? Is it WORTH it anymore? Does the enjoyment level I get from those 16 days a year justify the expense? Should I be saving a lot more for "retirement"? Should I cut down my trips to say, 2 per year and put the rest into a savings?

I'm 47, There's less than 20 years now until I reach retirement age. Social Security is a joke and at my current rate of savings I'm only going to have $100K saved up by then, and that's assuming the market doesn't crash again between now and then, which is highly unlikely.

On the other hand, I've always been an "instant gratification" type of person. Live for today and all that stuff. I don't plan much, unless it's a Vegas trip. I am the afore-mentioned 47, not in the best of health and apparently don't have any plans to change that. SHOULD I be thinking ahead to a retirement I may not even make it to? Not trying to be maudlin, just stating the facts. I'm one missed medication day away from being back in the hospital again.

So yeah, worry. Do I do what I've always done and push off the responsibility until "later", say, when I reach 50? Then should I start saving more and stop giving $16K a year to the MGM corporation? So three more years of fun then I have to finally be an adult? Or Jeebus forbid what if I meet someone and have to emerge from my Hobbit hole and buy actual silverware and maybe buy a dress shirt?

Dunno. For now it's Vegas every 3 months. guess I'll figure out what to do if, and when, the other shoe drops.