Impressions.

My thoughts and opinions on all of the MGM resorts on the strip.

EXCLUDED: Circus Circus, because I've never been there, and because LOL. And the Signature, because I've never been there.

Starting from the far south end of the strip:

-Mandalay Bay.
A mid-high range property that has a lot going for it but is so remote on the strip that it suffers. A big, beautiful pool complex, hopping dayclubs out there, a focus for that reason seemingly on the millennial crowd but as far as I can tell they don't really hang out in the resort proper. When I'm in there it's usually older, retired slots grinders and the odd occasional family trudging through on the way to the pools.

I stayed there once, it was...nice? Kinda unremarkable. Checking in was easy, room was fine, had a good view but it was nothing mind-blowing. I stayed just before they started the last round of room remodels so maybe it's a step up now but I have no real desire to stay again, unless it's comped. Again, it's just SO far from the rest of the action. You have to take the tram from there just to get to Luxor or the Ex, and even then it's a half hour walk to the center of the strip.

Probably why they are focused now on adding tons of convention space. It's almost off in its own world, but there IS plenty to do, eat and see there to be a self-contained vacation if that's your thing.

-THEhotel/Delano.
The high-range no-casino resort tacked onto the MB property. Stayed here once when it was THEhotel in 2013. Very nice suite, too much room really for one person. Place is first-class, beautiful entryways to the resort and no gaming noise to harsh your mellow. There's not much there there in terms of food or nightlife, but you're literally a 30-second walk away from MB if you want all that.

Would stay again to check out what the Delano is about. It looks...white. Same issues though with distance from rest of creation.

-Luxor.
Ah Lux. I've had some good times in this schizophrenic place. Mid-low on the MGM scale, really closer to low. A dark, kind of foreboding feel to the place. The pyramid sends weird echos all through the place and you feel like you're inside a bullhorn. MGM tried to de-theme it in the early 2000's, apparently, which is dense because Christ IT'S A GIANT FUCKING PYRAMID. They should have left the theme alone. Not well ventilated, very smoky and it's hard to get bearings in there.

Stayed in both the pyramid and the "towers", not much between them, really. Basic basic and nothing to recommend room-wise. I have had a few fun nights hanging with one particular bartender watching all the short skirts and drunkenness outside of the LAX club. Wouldn't stay again, though, even if comped.

-Excalibur.
A dump, but a fun dump. LOW on the MGM scale, only undercut by Circus Circus from what I've heard. This is your "Gus and Gertie in from Oklahoma on their one big vacation they've been saving for for 10 years" place. Trailer trash central. HORRIBLE ventilation, whole place smells like the ass end of a Marlboro. Most of the bar/serving staff could be my great grand parents.

Still, it has its charms. It's gloriously unpretentious, nobody is putting on airs. Everybody's fat, with a mullet and a t-shirt saying "roll tide" or some such nonsense. Kinda refreshing on the strip. It also has Dick's Last Resort, which serves toxic food but is a good time to hang out in and watch people take abuse from the staff.

In the last 4 years it's been more of a portal for me to get from the strip to Lux or MB, as they're all connected by walkways, but for the 4 nights I've spent there I'll always have a bit of a soft spot. Would NOT stay again though.

-MGM Grand.
The classic flagship. Solid mid-range in the MGM hierarchy. Not my fave spot, though. Have never stayed in the hotel, just resort/restaurant impressions here. ALWAYS crowded, always hard to navigate through. The place is huge and it's easy to get lost, though I now have a few landmarks that help me get where I want to go. I don't spend much time here really, despite the fact that I stay on the south strip a lot.

The whole place is just kind of "meh" to me. Meh bars, meh restaurants, meh luck on slots, just never have really had an interesting or fun time here. Saw the Ka Cirque show. It was meh. Ate at the Michael Mina pub thing. Meh. The Tap sports bar has pretty good food, but not much atmosphere. I do occasionally hang out at the Whiskey Down bar in there if I get into town early as it's 24 hours and close to the airport.

I suppose I would stay here or The Signature if I got a comped offer. Not falling over looking forward to it though.

-NYNY.
My Vegas spirit animal. LOVE this place. In a month I will be staying here for the 6th time in my 17 Vegas trips. I suppose it's mid-low on the MGM scale, but it's just perfect for me. It's compact, no crazy long walks to get anywhere. It has obvious landmarks through the casino so you don't get lost. The slots have been, if not kind, at least fair to me. The bars, while there aren't many, are fun to hang out in, and I've come to know a lot of the bartenders by name.

It's far enough from the south end of the strip to be an easy walk to most of my other hang spots. The rooms, while small, are always unfailingly clean and comfortable. I've never had noise or neighbor issues. Oh, and I got laid here once. It's perfect for my style, not pretentious, just fun and relaxed. I will stay here again many times, heart and mind willing.

-Monte Carlo.
Mid-low on the list. Good value place but has always seemed a little unsure of what it wants to be. It has some glorious architectural cues on the outside, it looks like a palace, but you walk in the front door and the casino interior is classic neon Vegas bland. No theme continuity. Then you walk into the check-in area, and it's gorgeous and palatial again. Weird.

Stayed there once. Rooms very run down, bare carpet, thin walls, some signs of neglect. It was FINE, but not up to the standard of a place called the fucking Monte Carlo. Most of the clientele older, but they have loud dayclub type music and DJ at the pool, Again, weird lack of continuity. It does have a great bar, the Pub, which is huge and has tons of beer choices and good bartenders, but it's tucked back in the far back of the resort so it's never that busy.

Frankly, though it's right next to my primary resort, aside from the Pub I don't really hang out here much anymore. I use it more now as a gateway to the monorail up-strip. Hopefully the pending re-brand to the Park will spruce the place up w/o pricing it out of the stratosphere. Would only stay again after the re-brand, I think, unless it's a killer deal.

-Aria.
Huh. Don't yet know what to make of this place. High on the MGM tier. Gorgeous building, gorgeous interiors, just really really nice. It's definitely the best resort I've stayed at on the strip, though not the best room, by any means. This was part of the downfall of Aria for me. I stayed in a standard room and found it to be less than what I expected. It wasn't very clean, it had spotty maid service and the vaunted tech system in the room confused even me, and tech rarely confuses me. The whole room experience was just not what I expected from, if not the top MGM Vegas resort, at least the #1A.

The casino is...there. I won nothing while I was staying there and have never won anything playing there, ever. Not much action or buzz, as there always seems to be at NYNY. The restos I ate at were good but again, were lightly attended and lacked any, I don't know, excitement. When I eat at Gallagher's at NYNY the place is hopping, it feels alive; at JGV at Aria it was all soft conversation and lulling jazz and...dull. Javier's was about the only exception to the rule, love that place.

Bars there feel haughty and high end, like if you're not wearing Armani you don't really belong. I just feel uncomfortable at a place like Alibi, like I'm being judged. It seemed like everyone was either a celeb or a wanna be celeb.

Now that I've stayed there I just don't think the top end joints like Aria are for me, I'm just not going to show up in a Prada suit with a model GF in a Porsche and act like a douche. Don't think I'd stay again unless it was a great comp deal.

-Bellagio
Hate this place. Never stayed here, never will. Highest of the high in the MGM sweepstakes, but I fail to see why. It's big, it's crowded, it's impossible to navigate through. Seriously I've trudged through this place dozen of times and still get lost regularly. To me it's dated as hell. The circus drapes or whatever they are all over the casino are drab and look like they haven't been dusted in decades.

I've been treated rudely or outright ignored in some of the bars, and the one resto I ate at there was meh-tier at best. If you're not flashing a black AMEX and acting like you just shot 70 at Bali Hai you don't rate. The clientele is retired insurance salesman and stuck up wife from Nebraska in white polo shirts and a paunch, or the entire vacationing population of China and India, all taking selfies simultaneously.

Yeah, it has the fountains. Best to be seen from the suites at the Cosmo or from the strip. Stay away from the interior. Yuck. Wouldn't stay here unless they GAVE me the damn room.

-Mirage.
One of the old classic ladies of the strip, and she's still got it. Haven't stayed here but would love to. Mid-high on the MGM list. Overpoweringly tropical theme (seriously, foliage everywhere), but it makes the place seem somehow mysterious, like you're never quite sure what's around every corner, even if you are.

Has the great Beatles LOVE show that I've seen twice and is mind-blowing. Even better that it's a free reward on myVegas. Good selection of bars and even some good new ones, the Still has potential and the Parlor is posh without being excluding. Good mix of clientele, some old vid poker grinders but also some youngs and a few Vegas newbies pulled in by the Mirage name. Just stay away from the awful Stack steakhouse, terrible atmo, meh food, mind-crushing EDM music. Tom Colicchio is OK. Portofino is OK.

It took me a while to get into this place on my trips but now I love it, one of my top 2 or 3 joints on the strip, sad that it's so far from where I usually stay or I'd go more. Would love to get an offer to stay here.