Whelp, Shit.

Created a shitstorm at work today and the end is probably near for this jobby.

I took an offhand slight and reacted to it like I usually do, getting all defensive and blowing it out of proportion. I do feel rightful that I was wronged, but the other party does have a point they could press too, which they no doubt will. Especially since they are basically my bosses bosses boss (but also a direct report, contracting is weird). I made a big stink though and I'm probably going to have to eat some crow or hold the righteous line and walk the fuck out, and soon.

I halfway feel like I'm sabotaging this job on purpose. I keep feeling uneasy and unsupported and uncomfortable in this job, even 2 years in. I keep losing sleep over stupid shit that isn't in my control. I keep feeling undermined and the longer I work there the more political it gets, which I hate more than anything on a job. And just generally I don't want to be there anymore. Which all adds up to "it's probably time to go, baby".

So the Indeed hunt has begun in earnest. I already have a phone interview Monday for an intriguing job that could be up my alley. I think it would be a job I know well and most likely is a solo gig. It involves travel too which could be fun. Might not pay enough though. We'll know more Monday and see where it leads. Have applied to a couple other things, see if I get a bite. The job market is tight with COVID and all, but I have enough experience and skillset to likely be able to hook something up within a couple months.

Financially I'm in as good a position as I have been since leaving the last job in 2018, so I could float for a bit if the hammer drops or if I drop it. As of tomorrow I'm fully vested in my 401k giving me 10K (minus the tax hit) to pull out if needed, and I'm flush now in general with all the bonus/stimmy stuff falling in lately. I could probably last 6 months or so even w/o unemployment, though that might mean...

...no Vegas trips. See? It all comes back to Vegas eventually here. 

That would suck, as it's been 3 months since the last one and boy do I need one right now. But if I put them off until finding a new gig I could probably scratch together something like $14-15K to survive on for a while, 6 months maybe. 65 year old me will protest, as I keep burning through all of his retirement savings every few years, but I'm not sure retirement age me is even going to be a thing (see previous post). 

So here we go again. Job security has traditionally never been my thing, and we're back in that cycle again. All I can do is ride it out and see where things roll.